Keeping the Magic of Love Alive
One of the paradoxes of loving relationships is that when things are going well and we are feeling loved, we may suddenly find ourselves emotionally distancing our partners or reacting to them in unloving ways. Maybe you can relate to some of these examples:
1. You may be feeling a lot of love for your partner, and then, the next morning, you wake up and are annoyed and resentful of him or her. 2. You are loving, patient, and accepting, and then, the next day, you become demanding or dissatisfied.
3. You can't imagine not loving your partner, and then, the next day, you have an argument and suddenly begin thinking about divorce.
4. Your partner does something loving for you, and you feel resentful for the times in the past when he or she ignored you.
5. You are attracted to your partner, and then suddenly you feel numb in his or her presence.
6. You are happy with Your partner and then suddenly feel insecure about the relationship or powerless to get what you need.
7. You feel confident and assured that your partner loves you and suddenly you feel desperate and needy.
8. You are generous with your love, and then suddenly you become withholding, judgmental, critical, angry, or controlling.
9. You are attracted to your partner, and then when he or she makes a commitment you lose your attraction or you find others more attractive.
10. You want to have sex with your partner, but when he or she wants it, you don't want it.
11. You feel good about yourself and your life and then, suddenly, you begin feeling unworthy, abandoned, and inadequate.
12. You have a wonderful day and look forward to seeing your partner, but when you see him or her, something that your partner says makes you feel disappointed, depressed, repelled, tired, or emotionally distant.
Maybe you have noticed your partner going through some of these changes as well. Take a moment to reread the above list, thinking about how your partner may suddenly lose his or her ability to give you the love you deserve. Probably you have experienced his or ber sudden shifts at times. It is very common for two people who are madly in love one day to hate each other or fight the very next day.
These sudden shifts are confusing. Yet they are common. If we don't understand why they happen we may think we are going crazy, or we may mistakenly conclude that our love has died. Fortunately there is an explanation.
Love brings up our unresolved feelings. One day we are feeling loved, and the next day we are
suddenly afraid to trust love. The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner's love.
Whenever we are loving ourselves more or being loved by others, repressed feelings tend to come up and temporarily overshadow our loving awareness. They come up to be healed and released. We may suddenly become irritable, defensive, critical, resentful, demanding, numb, or angry.